A problem (without images)

I am more than merely the “big” that my beloved second-eldest sister was wont to tell me – I am fat. Have been for nearly all my life – apart from those times when the need not to be over-rode everything else; but they were short-lived. I am a distinct A shape; I can often wear tops that are 3 sizes smaller than my pants – and it is always pants, for I never wear skirts (if you’d inherited my mother’s ankles, you wouldn’t either !)

So here I am, trying to make myself garments because I so detest shopping for them that 95% of my ‘wardrobe’ is roughly 17-22 years old – going back to when Chic was with me and would drag me off to buy some new gear. Then, I was unenthusiastic about it: now, it fills me with fear and loathing.

Consider this poor crocheting person: her shoulders are nothing like a swimmer’s, so there are many patterns I could use that fitted me from the top down to the waist. Thereafter they would fly apart and become useless in terms of protecting me from cold; and certainly any kind of button of toggle would be screaming in a tiny voice (like Boodie’s) across the vast tundra of my tum to its matching thingy on the other side – which would be screaming back “WHAAAT ?” – and never the twain would meet. Sighh ..

Now, were I clever enough to find a pattern that fitted my arse, its shoulders would be falling off mine, and the rest of its top half would be hanging in a wrinkly muddle almost down to my midriff.

What to do ?

There ! – I added an image, anyway. Reams of text are off-putting.

I had reached farther than midway point on one of those hexagonal granny-stitch cardigans by following instructional videos from the dearest bloke who works very hard to be as helpful as possible (and he is !) – the point where the tops of the inverted Ls have been joined and they have been crocheted together, and I tried it on. Same old same old. Of course.

So: am I going to frog it all – approx. 6 balls of Stylecraft Special DK, which is a shitload of wool – because whereas my instructor’s hexagons required 18 rows, mine required 24 – in a rage ?

I am not.

I am going to invent how to add an inverted V of short rows – yesyes, I do realize it won’t be in granny stitch ! – to each front edge. I shall make it as fancy as I can; but short rows’ being hitherto unknown to me I am not sanguine about the ‘fancy’ part. The gussets (sort of) will probably end up as garter stitch. But if they can achieve two straight edges that will meet, I shall be ecstatic, regardless of their total unlikeness to the rest of the cardi.

I shall post a photo or two along the way. You are at liberty to shudder and turn your eyes away ..

10 thoughts on “A problem (without images)

  1. Oh M-R you are so hard on yourself 🙄
    I think you are gorgeous and love every kilo that you despise! Think you’ll be able to come up with at pattern that will be on front page of Vogue for the post COVID -19 Virus – it’ll be a sell out for us all 😜
    Much love
    Goanna xxxxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Goanna, my angel – no wonder I love you ! I miss you dreadfully. But at least your comment means you’re not doing your St Vincent’s schtick ! :D
      XXOXOXX

      Like

          1. You could create one – the emoji I mean.

            Meanwhile, I haven’t met you but I suspect you are unnecessarily hard on yourself. And anyhow, Chic loved you. SO did Lui, and so does Boodie, so who cares. I look forward to seeing the cardi.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I am. I always have been. It’s in my nature. Something to do with re-supplying what I grew up with, in the absence of my revered mama, I suspect.
              But you’re right about what I’ve had and still have (in the form of my delectable teeny mog).
              There are an awful lot of people less lucky than I.

              Like

Go on - you can say it. :)

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