Remember my wailing about wonderful Spanish patterns that I can’t read ? And how I almost immediately came across someone offering a translation service for crochet patterns ?

WELL ..

I did have to wait a bit, because Carmin had received a lot of orders. But was it worth it ? – the work is .. it is FANTASTIC !

Carmin has turned out a beautiful and absolutely comrehensible pattern – better than any I’ve seen, not to exaggerate.

Just look at the work that’s been added ! – remembering that all this has come from a video that has nothing but the spoken word for help.

I’m almost speechless with admiration !

Any crocheter who has found a liked pattern in a foreign language take note of the email address contained in Carmin’s thank-you note – paypalpal1964@gmail.com:

1. I decided some time ago that motif crochet has lost its appeal. Why didn’t I stick to this ?!
2. Not having done so and started on the CAL, I  find I prefer JAYG (join as you go) anyway – which can’t apply to making something whereof the rest of the parts are unknown.
3. Tunisian crochet doesn’t seem to like to be made into ‘squares’ (quote marks because they’re rarely equal all ’round). Well .. perhaps that’s a stupid thing to say: if you’re a tunisian professional you might well be able to start at the bottom and crochet up and it looks great.
4. I have no need of a blanket; and I don’t have the space to display it (were I able to complete it well enough).
5. A blogging friend, the professional Dora Does, has written of her gradual separation from an overwhelming need for ‘perfection’ – this I comprehend well as a drive to not make ONE SINGLE MISTAKE, and to frog fiercely (and with rage) when one is found. I am still struggling with overcoming this; and an entire blanket’s creation is not going to help.
6. It is very expensive in terms of the necessary yarn. Possibly this is, in truth, my main rationale ..   

So much for the old man’s underpants. But thanks to the talented Rachel Henri, I now know at least one way of making a square in the round in Tunisian crochet.

I’m on my A-line shape thing again.

To enable the effectiveness of crochet patterns for jumpers and cardis for women with big (_|_)s, the first step could be said to be—

INCLUDING A MEASUREMENT FOR HIPS.

That’s a chart for a really nice (existing pattern) cardi. Had it a third column, of hip measurements, it would show clearly that my top part is in the range of one of those sizes but my lower part within the next one.    😦

Here’s a sketch from a pattern I once bought:

Amazingly helpful info., except for the missing hip or bum measurement.

ANYWAY .. The extraordinarily productive and helpful Dora Does has put out an eBook called “How to Crochet Clothes that Fit (and you actually Want to Wear)”, a very appealing title ! The key to the whole thing is, as I have already realized, GAUGE. And here is where my insuperable problem raises its horrid head ..

I have never in my crocheting or knitting life been able to achieve gauge, and it’s always for the same reason: my ROWS get there without trouble, but my number of STITCHES is always, always too many. If the gauge is meant to be 7 rows by 6 stitches (within a 2″ square), I will never do better than 7 rows (√) and 8 stitches .. 14 rows and 16½ stitches and all I can come up with is 14 rows (√) and 19 stitches. I am cursed !!! Of course if I make my stitches wider, they always become, as well, higher.   [sob !]

So that although Dora’s eBook has some wonderful calculations meant to allow you to work out how to alter the size in various different parts of a garment, the calc.s won’t work for me because my gauge is out of whack.

Thus I’ve had to give up that idea, and simply do my own increasing. I’m currently on a sweater the pattern wants me to fsc 88ch for, which will end up with that same number at the top; I’ve started with 98fsc and am decreasing by 2 sts every 5 rows, starting with the 15th. I shall hold it up against me when I’m down to 88 and then continue to that “measured” distance.

But I am full of angst ..

ADDITIONAL – next day

The wonderful Dora has adjured me to forget the rows and concentrate on the stitches part of the gauge. Makes sense: especially for patterns wherein the measurement of the pieces’ height is not critical.

And then, as well, the amazing PDX Knitterati repeated exactly the same instruction (it applies to knitting as well as to crochet).

So: once I have achieved the relevant horizontal gauge, I should be hot to trot with Dora’s calculations ..

For a moment, I had to cudgel the ancient brain in an effort to recall how many times I’ve either made or almost made this square. It was all because I do not have the correct weight of yarn; so it was all my own fault. (Yesyes: mea culpa !)

But this yarn – bought only the gods know how long ago from Ice Yarns – has been the sole one to allow me to create a centre “daisy” that looks not so much like an old man’s Y-fronts as, possibly, one of those sink-strainers you use also as a plug .. Well, that’s my thought, anyway ..

It’s going to have to do, at least for the time being. I shall post it on my CAL2021 page (remember Pages as opposed to Posts ?) as Square No. 1; and only when I have entirely forgotten it might I make another, better version – possibly even using worsted weight yarn !! And this is why I haven’t blocked it. No, that’s a lie: it’s one of the reasons why .. and the other is that I have no blocking materials. All that stuff is so hideously expensive for an old fart living on the pension and in a high-rise apartment she shouldn’t be in in terms of rent.

But don’t you think the burgundy and gold go well together ? – such a pity that in order to end up with a 30.5cm square with a centre that one’s eyes can slide over without causing one to cry “Eewww ! – what’s THAT in the middle ?!” while using too light a yarn (which also meant NOT going no.s 10 and 9 in hooks) my gauge had to be hopeless.

I am very sorry, Rachel, if you happen to come across this post: I meant to do better by you, truly !

I have finished Rachel’s square.

Don’t bother to complain about the soft focus or the curling up or the lack of blocking. This is going to be frogged, and I’m going to make it again again again. I cannot live with the old man’s undies.

I will not resist the chance to say that my gauge matches Rachel’s to the centimetre ! [smug smile] Here’s hoping I can replicate that; because I’m going to use different wool for the next one ..

You’ll have to put up with the fact that I’m deeply engrossed in this, and will be posting about it whenever I need to ..

Firstly, here is, again, my first (unfinished) version of Rachel’s square:

which was created using a very short size 8mm double-ended hook.

Here is my current (equally unfinished) version:

which is underway using [gasp !] a size 10mm (green) for the pattern rows and a size 9mm (blue) for the reverses. I had made another square using a size 8mm on one end and a size 6.5mm on the other; and when I reached something like row 10 and was still a bridge too far from completion, I realized that I was going to be using far too much yarn. Hence the frogging of that square and re-commencement with the much larger hook sizes.

Here is the designer’s own:

and what is making me rage futilely is that beautifully neat centre – a little star-flower, see it there ? My centre, although I followed the pattern exactly, looks like an old bloke’s underpants.   😦

The rest of mine is .. OK; although my incessant froggings and startings again loosened the twist of the wool. Recall, if you can stomach it, the weird way I hold the yarn: in my right hand and therefore looped around in a direction opposite to that in which the rest of the world loops it. Since about 98% of yarns are what’s called S-twist – left-to-right – my opposite direction gradually UNtwists ’em ! (The other 2% are Z-twist – right to left; and I would like it if all yarns could be bought either one or the other. TFB. Sighh ..)

Oh well. As long as I don’t embarrass la très talentueuse Rachel, I suppose I’m doing OK.

What is it ?, I hear you cry plaintively ..

Crochet A–Long. And, as you may work out eventually, there are aso KALs.    😀

Someone online – it can be ANYONE ! – announces a CAL on her blog. She describes her plan for whatever it is; she usually talks about yarn and hooks and gauge and stuff; she might provide suggestions for specific yarns or colours. The object she has planned – an afghan, a shawl, a blanket, etc. (it has to be something fairly large, to occupy a number of posts) – is divided into [X] periods and the starting date provided. Almost every CAL ever dreamed up is then packaged in a Facebook site, where everyone (except me) can join and post images of how they’re going.

You have KALs like this:

and CALs like this – motifs are always popular:

and even CALs like this:

Many of them are shown in advance, so crocheters know what the completed thing looks like. But of recent years there’s been a trend to have them as ‘mystery’ projects: you only know which bit you have to do in the next period (however long it be).

Mine is a MYSTERY CAL: until it began, last Wednesday, no-one other than the organising blogger had the faintest idea of anything about it – other than it was to be in Tunisian crochet. That’s why I signed up for it: I wanted to learn more Tunisian stitches.

First 30.5cm square and I couldn’t even begin. Arunima, whose blog is the originating one, had chosen for the first of the crochet experts she’d arranged to provide the 24 designed squares, one per fortnight, the marvellous Rachel Henri – whose gallery of beautiful Tunisian crochet designs includes one that I HAVE ACTUALLY MADE !!! Rachel, in turn, had chosen a square that she’s constructed in the round. It requires a double-ended hook. A 25cm 8mm one. I do not possess one of these. I do have two cro-hooks – double-ended and enormous, which I can’t use for this design because it involves twisted stitches that cause the cro-hook to make huge bruises on my hand between thumb and forefinger. *

I whinged on Arunima’s site, and she says that she managed it thus:

Anyone who can explain HOW she does this will win a prize. Including Arunima, of course. Here’s an image of  interchangeable hooks – I have this very set:

You take a length of ‘cable’ (the red things on the right), affix your required size hook (the coloured things on the left) and add the end other end of the cable one of the black stoppers (below the hooks). I think Arunima is telling me that she starts off each pattern row with this setup – which includes the large red 8mm hook – then when she’s reached the end of a side of the square, she removed the cable/stopper and .. does WHAT ??: takes each stitch off from the non-working end of the hook and puts it onto the 6mm hook ? I tried that and ended screaming .. you would have to know this square’s pattern to understand ..

So this is as far as I’ve got .. and I go NO FURTHER:

That blue crochet hook (I managed to get this on-line from a totally reliable supplier, who sent it, as required, by Express Post and it arrived the next day !) is only 15cm long, and I cannot continue to build the square. Oh, BTW: nearly all Tunisian stitches curl frightfully, because they are different .. ahh .. tightnesses between front and back of stitch; they need robust and vigorous blocking.

I shall not crochet another stitch until I have a 25cm or so 8mm double-ended crochet hook in my hands. As the CAL goes for virtually the entire year and I can make this square whenever, it takes a back seat till then. Rachel has done her best to recommend sites for purchase; but the Aussie one’s no longer active, one’s Amazon UK (shipping prices make my eyes water) and one’s French and not shipping to Oz. Sighh ..

 

* Here’s where I tell those who don’t already know how I crochet. It’s unspeakable. I hold the yarn in my right hand, and I use the crochet hook like a knitting needle – pushing it R/L into stitches, rolling the yarn over and pulling the hook back. I’ll try to video myself doing it, one day ..

.. so now it’s up to all those wonderful crochet designers to act upon it.

[grin]

For an awful long time I’ve been plaintively hinting to the Web’s many clever designers of crocheted garments – specifically, cardigans and/or jumpers – to come up with patterns for moi.

These would need to be designed à la “A-line” to accommodate my somewhat more than sylph-like shape. What I mean is, to fit right around my (_|_) as well as fit my shoulders ..

And suddenly, this-morning, while perusing the latest offering from a wonderful Irish designer called Carrie, the .. erhmm .. equation hit me !: establish for each yarn weight the number of stitches per cm and design the A-line garment accordingly.

[pause ..]

Oh.

[embarrassed grin]

That’s, like, gauge.

[clears throat]

Right, then. Let’s get on with the idea ..

So it shouldn’t be a complex thing for a designer to plot out a pattern that’s wider at the bottom and decreases as it goes (or, of course, verse visa), should it ? – or should it ?

I can google endlessly, but all I manage to come up with are designs like these:

    

and not one of ’em is without shaping. All I want is a simple pattern – just such as are devised by people like Carrie, by the wonderful Dora Does, by Sandra of Nomad Stitches .. these women are mind-blowing to me, and I would like all of them to design me a perfect A-line cardigan, please ! No shaping, no peplum – just measurements around the shoulders and the bum that result in a garment that can be done up all the way down the front OR hang open, and one that looks .. well, NORMAL.

I keep wondering if I should be able to work that out for myself .. but the ancient brain looks askance at the very thought ..